2025

A year that will live in infamy.

From start to finish, 2025 has been genuinely terrible on almost every front. While I wish I could be more positive at the year's end, too much has happened to allow me that pleasure. Although I don't post here as much as I'd like to, I want to take a moment to vent, so please bare with me.

Now, where to begin...

I guess I'll start with the elephant in the room: politics and the world. There is so much I want to say, but that would go on and on, so I'll keep this section brief for my and your sanity. Since the beginning of the year, it's been one thing after another: continued demonization of minorities, tariffs and the economy, rights getting trampled over, conflicts being inflamed, etc. The rise of fascism in the US has been disheartening to say the very least and almost everyone I know has been affected in some form, even if they don't want to admit it. It's hard watching people I know having to hide their true selves out of fear or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, eat it all up and fall into line. Which unfortunately leads me to...

I was laid off at the end of June.

The reasons for said lay off can be directly traced to things listed above, but I won't get into the details. Basically the company I worked for did contract work, so when Elon and his cronies started knocking down walls, one fell on me. Since then, I've been struggling to find work and things aren't looking good for 2026 either. I've had only one interview these past six months and that took over two months to even get a response with someone I had direct contact with. The job market is in shambles and with AI being so dominant now, finding any kind of 3D modelling or level design role feels impossible, much less an art related job in general.

And to touch on AI, good lord have things turned grim. Having to watch as it continually evolves into such an unsightly and evil force makes me sick. Not only is it destroying job opportunities, it's destroying the internet and society in general. It's disgusting on so many levels and I cannot wait for it to blow up in these companies' faces (and unfortunately ours when that time does come). But I digress.

The question is: where does all of this leave me.

The answer is: I honestly don't know.

Obviously I want a job and I'll keep looking (even as my hope is basically null) but more than anything I just wish to create something again. I want that spark to hit me, to get that urge I always used to have before the world body slammed me. My struggle, among so many others, is motivation and finding it once more. Any energy I have goes all into the job search, draining me for the day and shoving those creative ideas into a drawer. Whoever came up with the tortured artist trope was a liar.

Of course I don't mean to make excuses, others might be worse off that me and still put out incredible stuff. However, it's difficult for me, especially with how I'm wired. Lurking here, I see so much inspiring work and I wish I could just get back into the groove. There are things I still work on without sharing, but that also might be part of the problem: a lack of encouragement. Something that pushes me not just to keep going, but to make without fear of judgement.

...gonna be real, I don't really know where I'm going with all this or have a nice way to end it. I've got more I wish to say, but I'm spinning my wheels now, feeling kind of exhausted if I'm honest. Like I said, I needed to vent for a moment, try to reassess where I'm at. Maybe those who read this will have some advice or maybe you'll just feel better knowing you aren't the only one with similar experiences. Whatever the case, thanks for reading through and let's all hope 2026 is an improvement.

So anyway, does anyone need a 3D artist or level designer???